The Driveway Force-Field

Obviously, my posts have been bitchy and depressing lately so here is something a little more light-hearted......

So we now, for the first time ever, have the entire yard open to Ms Foxy. She likes to stand in the mud up front and ignore the rest but whatever...it is available to her. Okay, so I drew a diagram of my property so you guys could have a better idea. Hi, I'm apparently in 5th grade but yeah. Shut up, ha ha ha.



The X's mark her FAVORITE PLACES EVER. The one by the house at the corner by the driveway is where I usually feed her. Her tub is there for her mush and she likes to stand there ALL THE TIME as the back porch is right there and the dogs get to go out and she eats the railing there, etc etc.

So today she stood in that muddy ass spot for hours. My mom is visiting and was pulling a bunch of weeds and dead bushes from the back planter area and so Foxy stood with her head hanging over the fence 2 feet away watching for hours. Anyways, at some point in the evening we look out and Foxy is on the opposite side of the driveway. Oh boy! First time ever, she totally figured out the yard and was, GASP, using all of it! She had walked around the house and down the hill, around the dog pen and back up the hill on the other side to hang out up front over there.

See, I even drew a path on my drawing for this route she took.

Still with me? Good. Or, uh.....keep reading and maybe it'll come to you. I think that covers both bases. Ha.

So, she is on the opposite side of the driveway from the house. Well, since she had previously moved back to the mud, I had moved her feed tub back over here to the muddy side. And so when it came time to get her evening dinner of mush, I dumped it in the tub right over here by the muddy house side. On THIS side of the driveway. Now, Foxy was still on the opposite side but can smell a bucket of mush 34.86157 miles away and so came jaunting to the fence at the driveway all excited. Well. Uh. Sort of. Except for how she was still on the wrong side of the driveway. Whoops?

So, I dump the feed anyways and go back inside assuming she will figure it out. I mean, c'mon, she got herself from her muddy ass feeding spot around the house, down the hill, around the dog pen and back up the hill to that side of the driveway....why can't she reverse and go back? WHY NOT, DAMN IT, WHY NOT?

So a few minutes later I look out and she is still over there. Pacing. Confused. Nickering at the air. STARVING OMG SHE HASNT EATEN IN LIKE 10 MINUTES OMG. My dad came up the driveway at one point and she even was nickering at him like OMG HELP HELP. This might be a good time to note that Foxy nickers to me. A lot. Foxy does not nicker to my dad. Foxy will follow my dad if she is having a good day and he is holding the lead rope and there is nothing to be psychotic over and if the moon is new and at half past seven on odd days of the week but only during fall months....but that is about it. My dad is not a horse person. He does not like the idea of feeding treats because why would you want to get that close to their BIG SHARP TEETH? And Foxy was nickering at him. HELP, FATHER OF FOOD LADY, HELP.

Apparently the driveway force field had ahold of her. She was powerless to resist. She could see the food! She could smell the food! She could not get to it! 10 strands of holy shit ouch hot tape stood between her and the mush! What is a crazy ass horse to do? WHAT TO DO?

So, finally, as we were getting ready to leave the house for HOURS, I took pity on her and climbed my ass through the fence (non electric section obviously) and got a lead rope, looped it around her neck and walked her down the hill, around the dog pen and halfway up the other side. At that point, she suddenly had a jump to her step and couldn't wait to break away.

I thought, by golly she has it! She has figured out the path to the mush! So I unloop the lead rope from her neck and let her go!

And the big dumb horse promptly takes a few steps forward and then loops around to come back the way we came. Uh, hell no, I did not just climb through a fence, walk around and down the hill and around the dog pen and halfway back up the hill just to lose this battle. So I flapped my arms and got really big and annoying and got her to turn around....and then again when she tried it one more time....and finally, she went running up the hill and around the house and to her favorite muddy ass spot ever and dove into her mush.

Phew.

Like seriously, what is Foxy smoking? My property is only so big.....

And so that is that. Now I get home hours later and she is on the opposite (dry) side of the driveway again. Apparently she has figured this all out! She was able to finish eating her mush and then went back around the house, down the hill, around the dog pen and back up the hill to get to the dry and semi-grassy section.

It is currently time for her midnight mush.

As a matter of fact, in order to not keep ya'll in suspense until my next post, I just went out to feed her. And she was over here in her muddy ass favorite place ever eating some leftover hay just waiting for her midnight mush.

GENIUS. MY HORSE IS A GENIUS.

HEAD. DESK.



Also, here is a pic I took a day or two ago.....Ms Foxy has put some of her CRAZY OMG FREAK OUT weight back on....



Not the best picture but oh well....

Also, in the distance, do you see that red thing with a lid on it? That is my neighbor's homemade covered round bale feeder. It is a steel round bale feeder with a HUGE satellite inverted (and welded on hinges so it can be flipped open to refill) over it. GENIUS. That is also where a HUGELY GINORMOUS Bull (and cow and calf) live. Huge. If that sucker ever gets loose, I will run for my LIFE. Whenever we have loose dog issues, that Bull just stands there and watches. I PITY THE FOOL who ever makes a run into that pasture. Ha.

My dad was over there today and apparently his chat with the neighbor bled over into the BULL FEEDING TIME. So when he looked out, there was this HUGELY GINORMOUS Bull standing at the fence staring. Waiting. Hungry. Salivating. LATE FOR DINNER.

Then my dad came home. HA.