Winter skillz

Today was glorious. It was like....40 degrees! No, no...50 degrees!! Compared with the minus 5, it was positively balmy. I actually went out in flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt. For like, 5 seconds, but still.

I have learned a few lessons about cold weather horsekeeping. I remember back in So Cal, we had a few cold days where it got below freezing at night. I had to break a thin shell of ice in the auto waterer! I don't even think it was cold enough long enough to make anything more than a very thin shell of ice on the water bucket, but omg..ice! It was horrific.

So out here it is a bit different. In cold weather, I go out nightly to check on Ms Foxy. So I got out there one night last week and it is in the upper 20's. Oh man, Cold with a capital C! I am wearing jeans and a coat over normal clothes and wow, I could really use some gloves! I make the mistake of not putting enough water in the hot mash and it is all packed along the bottom of the bucket. I have to use my sadly bare hand to stir it up a bit. The wind is blowing and my hand is now wet and alfalfy and I can't leave because I am standing in the open area outside the field she is kept in, holding her on lead while she eats. She has to get pulled out of the pasture since she is wimpy, to get anything special. I eventually break down and use her fuzzy neck to dry my hand. Works for me! I can't feel my fingers but the night is over finally. I put her back in her field and go home for the evening.

Next night it is in the upper teens. I have learned lessons! I wear two pairs of socks with thermals under sweatpants. A shirt, under a sweatshirt, under a jacket. I grab a pair of cheap cotton gloves for my hands and a cute little beanie my sister knitted for me. I should be set! I pull Foxy out of the field and hold her for her mush. Tonight I put plenty of water so it is quite sloppy. She slimes my coat a few times and manages to get my gloves wet in the process. Man, wearing wet gloves in 10 degree windchill is glorious. After 20 minutes of her slurping her mash, I finally put her away for the evening. I go to check water before I leave and it is frozen. Oh noes, said the crazy horse lady. So I stick a leg through the fencing and kick in the top of the ice in the tub. Wearing my slip on crocs. Without even getting my foot wet. These are definitely not California skillz. I'm awesome! I finally leave but cannot feel my face, fingers or toes for at least 15 miles, even with the car heater on high.

Following evening I wise up. I've got the layering down. A pair of socks under a pair of thermal pants under a pair of knee high fuzzy warm socks, with a pair of sweatpants over it all. Then an undershirt, with a 3/4 length sweater, under a double thick sweatshirt, under my coat. A pair of gloves (and an extra pair in case they get wet!), arm warmers layered over them, along with rice warmer thingies in my pockets and a full on double layered beanie hat thing. Not the wimpy cutely fashionable one from the night before but this completely unfashionable pink hat with a big pom pom on top and another pom pom hanging from a string on each ear flap. It makes my head look like a large nipple. But a warm nipple apparently.

I am also the epitome of fashion. I am wearing dark brown crocs, gray pants, a blue and purple coat, pink hat, tan gloves and orange and brown arm warmers. I think I'm ready for my close-up!

So, I am prepared! It is in the teens once again so I hit the barn to make up her hot mash. Apparently the pipes froze and broke the night before so the interior of the barn closely resembles an ice skating rink. I consider strapping a sweat scraper to each croc and skid to the working faucet in the wash rack. Skate back out of the barn and drag the horse out once more for her hot mash. Even while dressed like an unfashionable boob, I am freezing my ass off, so I throw the horse into the empty arena with her hot mash, lock the gate and go sit in the car with the heater running. When the bucket is empty enough to fall over I go and pull her out, put her back in her field and go to check the water tubs again. One is frozen into a solid 2x3' tub sized block of ice. The mule is licking pathetically away at the corner like its a really cold salt block. The other is full of broken pieces of ice and no water. I fill that one with the hose/faucet next to the field, managing to splash only myself, the mule and both the horses in the field. Obviously I have skillz.

However, my nipple laden ears are quite toasty and my hands and toes regain feeling within 5 miles so I consider it a win. Of note is the fact that I did not see a single other person at the barn during any visit during bad weather. Not owners, not boarders, nada. I am apparently the only crazy person.

However, I am a crazy person with madd winter skillz yo. I am totally prepared for the next batch of crazy winter weather. I made sure to practice last night by driving on ice. Yes, yes...ICE! It was cold! And kept sprinkling! And omg, it was going to ice over any moment! I drove carefully and slowly and made sure my family knew my route before I left in case I went missing. What if I hit a patch of ice and careened off the road into a ditch? A ditch! On the side of the road! I could die.

So yes, I have madd ice driving skillz! I made it home safely last night, no problems at all. Okay, maybe it was 37 degrees and not possibly icy but I would have been prepared JUST IN CASE. Me and the Fbird, tearing up the TN backroads since 2009, baby!


(obviously I have nothing of any value to post today. I skipped visiting pissy pants since it was warmer....next post will be back to the regular scheduling)